A Travellers Guide to Surviving When You’re Not Travelling

A Travellers Guide to Surviving When You’re Not Travelling

Posted on 12. Jun, 2011 by in General, Other

There’s bound to be a point in your life when you find yourself no longer travelling. You could be taking a break for a while and earning some cash before your next big trip, or you could have just come home from your big trip and decided it’s time to settle down. Whatever your situation is, trying to survive without this guide could prove to be fatal.

Going from being the master of the world to a 9-to-5 civilian over night will cause the brain to spontaneously combust.  This is fact. To avoid this happening to you, you need to make the transition slowly. I’ve survived the process of ‘winding down’ after travelling and now I’m taking it day by day before departing on my next big trip. Following these tried and tested methods in everyday situations throughout the week will guarantee you a safe transition back in to every day society.

can't speakShopping

Situation: It’s highly unlikely that you’ll finish your travels in an area where you can’t speak the language. Going from using your hands and various facial expressions to try and explain to the shop attendant what you want to simply asking for it in your own language will be a major shock to the system.

Effect: Your brain won’t be able to handle the fluidity of the conversation and could possibly switch off your ability to speak all together. This could lead to major problems in the future.

Cure: Every now and again pretend you can’t speak the same language as the shop attendant. Act confused and speak to them in very broken English (or another language if necessary). This will fool the brain in to thinking you are still in a foreign country and will allow it to gradually get used to the fact you’re at home.

Sleeping

SleepSituation: You’ve spent the past few months sleeping on the most uncomfortable mattresses in hostels around the world in rooms with at least 4 other people, but now you’ve returned home you’ve got a comfortable double bed in an empty and quiet room.

Effect: Without being woken up by other drunken travellers stumbling in throughout the night your brain will fail to wake you at all. You’ll be driven in to an eternal sleep and wind up living with 7 dwarfs.

Cure: Sleep on the floor while a war movie plays on your laptop. The familiar noises will soothe the brain in to thinking you’re still on the road. The floor won’t be as uncomfortable as hostel beds but it’s the closest thing possible.

Eat UnhealthyEating

Situation: For the past few months your pallet has consisted of 2-minute microwavable noodles and other basic necessities. Now that you’re earning you’ll be able to afford other luxuries such as…well anything that isn’t going to corrode your insides over time.

Effect: If you start eating too healthy too fast your body won’t know what to do. It will retain EVERYTHING you eat and you could see your weight balloon until you eventually explode. This is definitely one of the messiest side effects of not travelling.

Cure: Eat healthy every other day. On the days you’re not eating healthy, fill meals with chocolate bars, microwaveable meals and of course bucket loads of alcohol.

Cold ShowerHygiene

Situation: We’ve all had those days where you’ve had no access to proper wash facilities or when you have had access to them then the water has been too cold to enjoy it.

Effect: Having unlimited access to a warm shower can lead to you to stand under the water for hours on end. This will cause you to shrivel up beyond normal and could result in you looking like an ancient Egyptian mummy that’s just been dug up.

Cure: During the shower switch the water to cold every few minutes. This will bring you back in to reality and should be enough to stop you from staying there too long.

messy deskWorking

Situation: For some of us, the only ‘work’ on our travels was making sure the blog was up to date and re-organising the backpack every now and again.

Effect: With the brain rewired in to thinking that this is what a hard day’s work consist of, when you do finally get a job you will spend your days reorganising your desk draws and sending posts on Twitter. Unless you’re getting paid to do this, your boss won’t be very happy and you could find it hard to keep yourself employed.

Cure: Unfortunately this aspect of travelling is terminal. Once you’ve experienced a life of freedom and fun there’s no going back. The brain cannot recover from such an experience and will only long for more. The only advice I can give to you is to find a job within the travel industry and keep living the dream.

These are only the basic essentials to rehabilitation. For other situations you will have to use that intuitive brain of yours that managed to take you around the world to tackle the situations you’re faced with. Please let myself and other travellers know of your experiences and cures in the comment section below.

If at any point during this process your head starts burning uncontrollably then you must book yourself on the next flight out. Your body simply isn’t ready to give up travelling just yet and requires at least a few more months of freedom. Good luck.

Tags: ,

49 Responses to “A Travellers Guide to Surviving When You’re Not Travelling”

  1. Tijmen

    12. Jun, 2011

    Haha, great post :) It was so strang sleeping in a good bed again after travelling for a while, without any other people in my room. Not sure I mis the drunk people walking into my room so much though.
    Tijmen recently posted..The Arctic Light

    • Dan Collins

      12. Jun, 2011

      Haha I know what you mean! I remember my first ever hostel experience… I was awake all night!

  2. Elle

    12. Jun, 2011

    This is too funny! I especially liked the sleeping with a war movie playing in the background tip. After reading this though, I know understand why my friends think I’m so weird for purposely subjecting myself to this lol
    Elle recently posted..Fantasy Friday- Isle of Skye- Scotland

    • Dan Collins

      12. Jun, 2011

      I agree, why do we put ourselves through this torture?! haha… oh, wait, it’s because I LOVE IT. Even if the beds are terribly uncomfortable, it’s awesome!

  3. Hayley

    12. Jun, 2011

    Great timing for this post. I leave Germany in 13 days, after being here for a year and I’m totally stressed about reverse culture shock!

    • Dan Collins

      12. Jun, 2011

      Ahh I’m sure you’ll be fine. Is that the end of your travels now or do you think you’ll move on to another country soon?

      • Hayley

        12. Jun, 2011

        I’m already planning my next getaway. think my best bet to live abroad again is to teach English, so I’ll finish my last year of University, get certified and try to teach abroad. Probably again in Germany to continue the language, or South America. Not too sure yet :)
        Hayley recently posted..fill in the blank friday

  4. Andy Explores

    12. Jun, 2011

    Great post! And so very true! After returning from a lengthy trip to Africa I was gutted that I wasn’t able to buy any food through a bus window – A McDonalds drive-thru just doesn’t cut it!

    • Dan Collins

      12. Jun, 2011

      You can buy food through a window in Africa?! AWESOME!

      • Andy Explores

        12. Jun, 2011

        Honestly you name it, as soon as that bus stops there will be a hand through the window trying to sell it to you! Amazing service!

  5. Hayley

    12. Jun, 2011

    I’m already planning my next getaway. think my best bet to live abroad again is to teach English, so I’ll finish my last year of University, get certified and try to teach abroad. Probably again in Germany to continue the language, or South America. Not too sure yet :)

    • Dan Collins

      14. Jun, 2011

      Sounds like a good plan to me!!

  6. Poi

    13. Jun, 2011

    Amazing, I did a real life LOL at the war movie and sleeping oin the floor bit – perfect!

    • Dan Collins

      13. Jun, 2011

      Glad I could make you actually LOL. How’s things arr kid?

  7. Micamyx|Senyorita

    13. Jun, 2011

    The Working part is something that i can relate to now. I left my full-time job last year to embark on a trip the UK since my family is based there. When I returned here in the Philippines last March, I didn’t have that eagerness or willingness to go back to the workplace. I’ve been going out of town with Pinoy Travel Bloggers and so far, my blog earnings is ok. My grandparents often remind me that i have to keep in mind that i am still young to go and retire from the corporate world. Oh well. Wish i can fix this mess up LOL
    Micamyx|Senyorita recently posted..The Corregidor Adventure Challenge

    • Dan Collins

      13. Jun, 2011

      My cure for you: Travel some more!

  8. david

    14. Jun, 2011

    That picture of the girl getting sprayed is hilarious! Fun post.
    david recently posted..Help Me Plan My Road Trip pt3

    • Dan Collins

      14. Jun, 2011

      Couldn’t agree more, the photo makes me laugh every time I look at it. We’re so evil..

  9. Jennifer

    14. Jun, 2011

    Awesome post! Oh gawd … the dreaded micro-noodles. I can’t even stand to see the box of these things. My English brain has begun to play tricks on me, I’m finding myself more often than not, thinking in Italian. Will be an interesting transition when we visit Canada the next time.
    Jennifer recently posted..Part of the Tradition

    • Dan Collins

      14. Jun, 2011

      My brain thinks I’m a microwave with all of the microwavable meals I’ve had. Not good!

  10. Sofia - As We Travel

    14. Jun, 2011

    Hahaha great post, a good reminder of all the not so fun stuff that comes with traveling – like cold showers!

    • Dan Collins

      14. Jun, 2011

      HATE cold showers. I’m such a wimp when it comes to trying to get under them… I kinda stand on the edge of the water and dash in and out of it a few times.

      • Janine

        03. Jan, 2012

        This article is a home run, pure and simple!

  11. Lily (Explore for a Year)

    16. Jun, 2011

    Great article Dan. It’s kind of a light-hearted approach for facing “reality” again. I guess it’s either you laugh or you cry :) I’m going to file this article away for 6 months from now when I’m back at home after my RTW :)

    Lily

    • Dan Collins

      16. Jun, 2011

      Ahhh, well I hope it serves you well!

  12. Liv

    16. Jun, 2011

    Fun post Dan! I’m not very sad about the fact that I don’t think there is a cure for traveling!

    • Dan Collins

      16. Jun, 2011

      I’m kinda glad about that too! It’s too awesome to give up!!

  13. London Jameson

    17. Jun, 2011

    I love traveling. This post is very amusing because I see many of the situations I’ve been unfortunate to fall into. Great tips for travel fans!

  14. Audrey

    03. Jul, 2011

    Hahaha! I find these symptoms to be very true in my life :D

  15. David

    13. Jul, 2011

    Great post, so funny! Playing a war movie is a great idea. You really need someone to trudge their dirty boots all over the bathroom floor, someone to slam a door every 10mins, and to sleep on some chip packets to bring back the sound of someone trying to be oh-so-quite while searching through their backpack full of plastic bags in the wee small hours.

    I’m feeling nostalgic just thinking about it!

  16. Kelly

    15. Jul, 2011

    Brilliant article! I recently returned to Canada after traveling for 2 years, and the reverse culture shock was soooo strange!
    One of the strangest things of the first week or two was that I could hear the Canadian accent when people spoke! I hadn’t heard another Canadian for so long that my own homeland’s accent sounded so strange to me. Now I am getting used to it again I suppose, but your home is never quite the same once you return to it after traveling for so long.

  17. Jerrold Coodey

    19. Oct, 2011

    It’s any shame you don’t use a donate button! I’d most certainly donate to this unpaid blog! My partner and i suppose right now i’ll settle for bookmarking and also attaching the Rss feed to be able to my own Yahoo consideration. My partner and i seem forward to be able to innovative updates and definately will share this kind of blog page together with my own Fb group:

  18. Sara

    27. Nov, 2011

    LOL! Loveee it
    Sara recently posted..1

  19. Victoria Heatherington

    05. Jan, 2012

    Oh my, this was FUNNY!!!! Dan, LOL!

  20. Noah Harrison

    12. Jan, 2012

    Hilarious!

  21. Krystal

    07. Mar, 2012

    Great Post

  22. Dan

    21. Mar, 2012

    The shopping bit is brilliant, after living in Oz for a year and the main supermarkets packing your bags for you, the lady in Tesco gave me a funny look when I just stood there looking at what I had brought.

    • Dan Collins

      21. Mar, 2012

      Aha I know exactly what you mean!

  23. Verge Magazine

    16. Apr, 2012

    Love this post. It’s really unfortunate that an aversion to working post-travel is a terminal condition.

    • Dan Collins

      17. Apr, 2012

      Haha yup! The only solution is to never stop!

  24. david urmann

    27. May, 2012

    I think once you are always travelling its really hard to stop. Something about just moving and seeing everything makes it seem more dull to go to work in the same place everyday. Best advice is to fire up your office life when you get home and try to keep things more exciting.

  25. Kent Riggers

    05. Sep, 2012

    LOL been in fits of laughter reading this dan!
    Kent Riggers recently posted..kent cigarettes

  26. Sals

    10. Nov, 2012

    Write more, thats all I have to say.
    Sals recently posted..pdfask.com

  27. Sarah Winkes

    26. Nov, 2012

    This is very good, You’re a very skilled blogger!
    Sarah Winkes recently posted..panic attack

  28. Salsa Deroche

    26. Nov, 2012

    Cool stuff man, cool stuff!

  29. central london dating trainer

    25. Dec, 2012

    This was a terrific article as always buddie
    central london dating trainer recently posted..central london dating trainer

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Best Blogs of the Week & What in the World? » A Dangerous Business - June 21, 2011

    [...] A Travellers Guide to Surviving When You’re Not Travelling at Adventures With Dan [...]
  2. Saturday Six #66 | Misadventures with Andi - June 25, 2011

    [...] or expats don’t travel? As Dan of Adventures with Dan very humorously details in “a travellers guide to surviving when you’re not travelling,” it can be tough.  Luckily he has also explained what you can do to “fix” [...]

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.