As we had some time to kill in Bangkok before we were due to head south and due to them being exceedingly cheap we decided to get ourselves a massage.
Using my new technique of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” with the Tuk Tuk driver we managed to get back in to the backpacking area of Bangkok for 10 baht. We had a walk up and down Kaoh San road to check out the prices of some of the places and settled on one that was about half of the way up. I decided I only wanted a neck and head massage while my friend wanted some sort of oil massage.
We were asked to wait downstairs for our masseuse and were then led upstairs to the massage rooms. Most of them were full so they opened a new room for us and led us inside. Closing the door behind us, the lady who was with me said “OK, take off your clothes” – at first I just took off my t-shirt as I’d only asked for a neck and head, but then she said “yes, take off your shorts too”. I said I was only there for head and neck but she insisted once more “take off your shorts” – I wasn’t going to argue with her as she was quite large and could probably snap me if needed. Looking over at my friend who was already head deep in another masseuse’s lap I took off my shorts and lay on the bed as instructed. The lady started massaging my neck and just as I started to feel comfy my boxer shorts were ripped from me. I tried to get up and tell them again I only wanted neck and head but she yelled “lay down” and carried on massaging.
By now all sorts of things were going through my head (mainly of remaining as clenched as possible) and I could hear my friend who was next to me laughing at my situation. I heard the door open and two women walked in talking to each other. One was English as I heard her say “oooh naked men, I like this room” – by now I couldn’t help but laugh. My neck and head massage had turned in to a full body with oils of god knows what and very wandering hands. After she’d finished massaging my back, legs and unfortunately my bum (When I say massage, I mean she punched me, walked on me, dug her elbows in to me and pretty much spanked me) I felt ready for another massage just to get over this one. I’ve heard of bondage movies that were tamer than this massage! Unfortunately for me she wasn’t finished. Insisting I turn over to lie on my back and put my head in to her lap she started massaging my chest and slapping my forehead as if I were on some sort of candid cam show that waited to see how much abuse one person could take before speaking up. The person I was with was now in hysterics but was soon silenced when he was put in to some compromising positions himself. My masseuse didn’t let me have my underwear back so I was still lying there stark naked with only my hands to cover my manhood in front of the room that was now practically full of women.
The 30 minutes that was meant to be relaxing and a nice end to my time in Bangkok turned out to be one hell of an experience. The massage was different to say the least, I was stripped naked in front of a room full of people and left with more aches than I went in with… but I got an orange juice after it that was absolutely fantastic! If you’re ever in Bangkok, make sure you know what you’re going in for and make sure you’re prepared for all sorts when you ask for a head and neck massage. Anybody else been caught out in a sticky situation like this while travelling?