Violated in Bangkok
Posted on 14. Apr, 2011 by Dan Collins in Thailand
As we had some time to kill in Bangkok before we were due to head south and due to them being exceedingly cheap we decided to get ourselves a massage.
Using my new technique of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” with the Tuk Tuk driver we managed to get back in to the backpacking area of Bangkok for 10 baht. We had a walk up and down Kaoh San road to check out the prices of some of the places and settled on one that was about half of the way up. I decided I only wanted a neck and head massage while my friend wanted some sort of oil massage.
Khao San Road
We were asked to wait downstairs for our masseuse and were then led upstairs to the massage rooms. Most of them were full so they opened a new room for us and led us inside. Closing the door behind us, the lady who was with me said “OK, take off your clothes” – at first I just took off my t-shirt as I’d only asked for a neck and head, but then she said “yes, take off your shorts too”. I said I was only there for head and neck but she insisted once more “take off your shorts” – I wasn’t going to argue with her as she was quite large and could probably snap me if needed. I reluctantly took off my shorts and lay on the bed as instructed. The lady started massaging my neck when all of a sudden my boxer shorts were ripped from me. I tried to get up and tell them again I only wanted neck and head but she yelled “lay down” and carried on massaging.
By now all sorts of things were going through my head and I could hear my friend who was next to me laughing at my situation. I heard the door open and two women walked in talking to each other. One was English as I heard her say “oooh naked men, I like this room” – I couldn’t help but laugh. My neck and head massage had turned in to a full body (for those wondering, NO it didn’t turn in to a massage with a happy ending). After she’d finished massaging my back, legs and unfortunately my bum (When I say massage, I mean she punched me, walked on me, dug her elbows in to me and pretty much spanked me) I truly just wanted to get out of there. I’ve heard of bondage movies that were tamer than this massage! Unfortunately for me she wasn’t finished. Insisting I turn over to lie on my back and put my head in to her lap she started massaging my chest and slapping my forehead. The person I was with was now in hysterics but was soon silenced when he was put in to some compromising positions himself. My masseuse didn’t let me have my underwear back so I was still lying there stark naked with only my hands to cover my manhood in front of the room that was now practically full of women.
The 30 minutes that was meant to be relaxing and a nice end to my time in Bangkok turned out to be a nightmare. The massage wasn’t relaxing, I was stripped naked in front of a room full of people and left with more aches than I went in with… but I got an orange juice after it that was absolutely fantastic! If you’re ever in Bangkok, DO NOT ask for a head and neck massage. Anybody else been caught out in a sticky situation like this while travelling?
73 Responses to “Violated in Bangkok”
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Violated in Bangkok
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Emily
14. Apr, 2011
At the risk of laughing at your misery…this is hilarious. Not quite the same thing, but my friend and I got our hair dyed in Ecuador and they turned her hair blue instead of blonde…
Emily recently posted..goodbye- Stevie
Dan Collins
14. Apr, 2011
haha thanks! I see the funny side of it now… but I certainly didn’t while lying naked in a room full of people ha ha
Dan Collins
14. Apr, 2011
PS I think blue is an AWESOME hair colour. I’d be happy with that haha
Jaime
14. Apr, 2011
Oh wow that is kinda crazy but kinda hilarious… I would have just gone with the flow & asked for a happy ending…lol jk!!!
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Dan Collins
14. Apr, 2011
Well we all know you would! ha ha
Lauren
14. Apr, 2011
Hahahahaha brilliant!! As soon as you said massage I thought uh oh…!!
Lauren recently posted..Photo Essay- Embracing the Aloha Spirit at a Luau in Hawaii
Dan collins
14. Apr, 2011
Haha I couldn’t believe what was happening at the time! It all happened so fast…. Crazy!
Aaron @ Aaron's Worldwide Adventures
15. Apr, 2011
I’ve always sprung for the full body Thai massage, which is VERY different from what you’ve described. When my parents visited me, my mom got a head and neck massage at Wat Pho, the premiere training place for Thai massage and it, much like the full body massage, didn’t require any disrobing…
What a crazy experience though!
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Dan Collins
15. Apr, 2011
Very crazy! I think the Thai girl may have liked me a little too much…
Jeremy
15. Apr, 2011
I’m so glad this happened to you and not me. Although…I might have liked it!
Jeremy recently posted..Margaret River has something for everyone
Dan Collins
15. Apr, 2011
haha good luck if you ever get one!
Catlin (road2nw)
05. Jan, 2012
Was Matt with you for this?
Dan Collins
05. Jan, 2012
Sure was!
Monica
15. Apr, 2011
Hahaha, this is so funny! I’ve heard of similar stories from other people! I always think its a good idea to go for a massage but its never as good as I think it’ll be. I’m a total wimp and it always hurts!
I had a strange experience in Bali where I had to strip off (thankfully in a private room with a woman) and then she gave me a shower afterwards. She actually washed me like I was a 3 year old! So embarrassing because I’m really ticklish!
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Dan Collins
15. Apr, 2011
hahahaha I just snort-laughed (how embarrassing) thinking about you getting tickled and the woman wondering what the hell was going on. Glad I’m not the only one who has been stripped off!
Raymond
16. Apr, 2011
Come on, admit it — you were hoping for a Ladyboy…:)
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Dan Collins
16. Apr, 2011
Mate, you caught me out! haha
jill - Jack and Jill Travel The World
16. Apr, 2011
What a crazy story! Eeeek…. kudos to you for staying until the end.
jill – Jack and Jill Travel The World recently posted..Build A South America Itinerary
Dan Collins
16. Apr, 2011
I was too scared to leave ha ha
Nomadic Chick
17. Apr, 2011
LOL! I think she liked pummelling your butt cheeks. I have never seen a large Thai woman before, is this story even true? (Kidding.)
Hilarious story! Isn’t travel great for these?
Nomadic Chick recently posted..This is Why I Love Travel
Dan Collins
17. Apr, 2011
I’ve seen quite a few large Thai women. They weren’t obese… but they looked like they could pack a good punch!
Chris
17. Apr, 2011
Lying naked with Asian women massaging me? Um…I think I would’ve went with it.
Dan Collins
17. Apr, 2011
hahaha I bet you would!
Ali
18. Apr, 2011
Dan, this is hilarious! I’m not a big fan of normal massages in the States, so I think what you went through would’ve traumatized me for life. I’m glad you survived!
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Dan Collins
18. Apr, 2011
I’m not a fan of massages any more!
Iain
19. Apr, 2011
I had a similar experience a week ago, but my massage was given by a masseur. Let’s say he wanted make absolutely certain I was satisfied, and that I will never be comfortable having my groin massaged again.
Iain recently posted..Journal Entry – Day 75
Dan Collins
19. Apr, 2011
You had a happy ending from a dude??
Erica
19. Apr, 2011
HAHHAHHAHAHHAkalsjdksdjhfkldsjlfks
I love butt massages – they are the greatest things in the world! Granted, I guess if I didn’t ask for one I would be a little weirded out.
Erica recently posted..Puerto Vallarta- Mexico
Dan Collins
20. Apr, 2011
Butt massages are an actual thing?!
Erica
22. Apr, 2011
Yes! Some people store all their tension there. I know I do so it is nice when it is released!
Erica recently posted..Lucha Libre in Sayulita- Mexico
Alex
22. Apr, 2011
Haha wow that’s a terrific story and my experiences in Thailand I definitely experienced similar situations. I remember I went with an American girl that I hardly knew once and they did that to both of us in same room haha… My favorite activity is to buy a large Singha (hate Beer Chang) and get a street foot massage while I drink it!!
Dan Collins
22. Apr, 2011
Sounds like a very good way to spend the night if you ask me!!
Gerrie H
03. Jan, 2012
LOL!
Kim
29. Apr, 2011
Hahaha, this is hilarious! It could have been worse, if you know what I mean… thanks for the giggle.
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Dan Collins
29. Apr, 2011
Yup I know what you mean haha!
Sarah
14. May, 2011
Oh, this is so scary! I wouldn’t have a clue what to do in that position. Hopefully my upcoming massage in Malaysia doesn’t turn out the same way…
Sarah recently posted..Giving Penang a Second Chance
Dan Collins
13. Jun, 2011
Let us know how it goes!
Runaway Brit
12. Jun, 2011
What a hilarious story – I’m pleased you survived (albeit without your dignity intact!)
I had a friend who went to a massage place in Vietnam, it was allegedly a charity to support blind workers and was endorsed by the Lonely Planet. The reality was very young boys being forced to offer more than just a massage. He couldn’t get out of there quick enough.
Since then I have always chosen nicer looking salons and paid a little bit more when getting massages in South East Asia. I always avoid Thai style massages because I end up in more pain afterwards than when I went in!!
Runaway Brit recently posted..Shinto Wedding at the Meiji Jingu Shrine
Dan Collins
12. Jun, 2011
I’m not surprised he got out of there fast! And yes, Thai massages do hurt…. A LOT haha
Adam
13. Jun, 2011
hahah! awesome story! Love that it ended with orange juice – still a happy ending in my opinion
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Dan Collins
13. Jun, 2011
Every body loves orange juice!
crazy sexy fun traveler
11. Jul, 2011
Hahaha, I can’t stop laughing! Poor you! I always thought men do like to be the only man with so many women around
Dan Collins
05. Jan, 2012
Normally yes, but this caught me off guard! haha
Jennifer Nixon (@jenniferbnixon)
10. Aug, 2011
LOL this is brillaint – at least she didn’t turn out to be one of the famous ladyboys…thigs could have been worse xx
Dan Collins
05. Jan, 2012
haha, I’ve had experiences with those too unfortunately!
Boris
11. Aug, 2011
These Kind of Massages are now all over Europe – In Paris , London and Rome there are many places like this. Bulgaria even is Sex Destination like Egypt.
Dan Collins
05. Jan, 2012
I didn’t see any in Paris while I was there but then again I wasn’t really looking out for them. You had one?
Simmo
20. Oct, 2011
Haha ‘note to self, don’t get a massage in bangkok’ I’ll remember that one
Dan Collins
22. Oct, 2011
Oh no, definitely get one!! I want others to have the same experience as me……
Kelly
23. Oct, 2011
Haha.. you shoulda known! NEVER do anything on Khoa San Road! There are so many other amazing massage places that won’t make you get naked!
Kelly recently posted..Win a Sex & The City Tour For You and Your Bestie!
Dan Collins
24. Oct, 2011
Haha yeah I should have known something would be wrong in the first place! Never mind…
james
03. Nov, 2011
Dan, that’s hilarious! I guess with the orange juice it was kind of a happy ending though
james recently posted..Peebles & The Scottish Borders: A Mini Road Trip
Dan Collins
05. Jan, 2012
The Orange Juice was the best happy ending I could ever have!
Gerard ~ GQ trippin
17. Dec, 2011
Oh man… Slapping on the forehead? I’ve never heard that one before. Hope the OJ was worth it!
Gerard ~ GQ trippin recently posted..Staying Healthy: Vaccines & Medications
Dan Collins
18. Dec, 2011
The OJ was well worth it!
Edmund Supplice
05. Jan, 2012
Awh you poor guy!
Dan Collins
05. Jan, 2012
Haha I could do with a massage right now to be honest.
Crissy Davo
13. Feb, 2012
LOL!
Vannesa Rogers
19. Feb, 2012
Excellent stuff here Within the famous words of a specific terminator… i’ll be back!
Stig.Jensen
04. Apr, 2012
Brilliant story
Does not sound very relaxing beeing stripped down like that ! I bet they won’t do that to the girls !
Dan Collins
16. Apr, 2012
Ah I’m sure they will do it to anybody in that place haha
Sonia Waszkowiak
13. Apr, 2012
Hey Dan, I read a very similar story on another travel blog, from a girl’s point of you. I will try to find it and give you a link. You can share trauma together.
Dan Collins
16. Apr, 2012
Ah, Lauren! I know the story you’re talking about
Wrabbit007
29. Jul, 2012
Ha ha – great story! I feel for you – that would have been immeasurably uncomfortable, especially with the room full of women watching while you desperately covered your junk with your hands. I laughed out loud at the forehead slapping – I can see the butt massage and the pummeling, but how on earth is getting your forehead slapped repeatedly going to relax anyone? Too funny!
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Charles
29. Sep, 2012
Sorry, I tried hard not to laugh but this is hilarious! Good tip for our upcoming BKK trip though! Will stick to the foot massages I’ve had on my previous trips!
Dan Collins
09. Oct, 2012
Glad so many people are amused by my misfortune haha
Duncan
02. Nov, 2012
hahaha this was hilarious.. I thought the ‘ending’ was going to something quite different!
Duncan
Duncan recently posted..The multicultural Marrakech experience
Barclay
24. Nov, 2012
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH!!!!!
Gemz
28. Nov, 2012
Oh my gosh how funny!!!!!!
Chanel @ La Viajera Morena
30. Dec, 2012
That is a funny story. I refrained from getting a massage in Thailand, but I did get one in a jimjilbang (sauna) in Korea and also was abused and came out aching.
Enjoyed this article
Chanel @ La Viajera Morena recently posted..Christmas In New York
Dan Collins
06. Jan, 2013
‘Abused’ ?? haha I hope you weren’t too traumatised after it!
Veronica
26. Mar, 2013
Haha what a funny story, i can just imagine that happening! I feel for you, as i’ve been in some pretty akward/questionable massage situations! Try Healthland next time you’re in Bangkok, its amazing and you definitely wont be violated there :p
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Amber
28. Apr, 2013
I have had dozens of massages in Asia, and some in Bangkok, and have never had anything close to this. I do my best to find places that are on the up and up, and if I have any concerns, we start with a foot massage, because there are less chances of that getting wonky, and certainly less chance of loosing your underwear!
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