Violated in Bangkok

As we had some time to kill in Bangkok before we were due to head south and due to them being exceedingly cheap we decided to get ourselves a massage.

Using my new technique of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” with the Tuk Tuk driver we managed to get back in to the backpacking area of Bangkok for 10 baht. We had a walk up and down Kaoh San road to check out the prices of some of the places and settled on one that was about half of the way up. I decided I only wanted a neck and head massage while my friend wanted some sort of oil massage.

khao_san_road

Khao San Road

We were asked to wait downstairs for our masseuse and were then led upstairs to the massage rooms. Most of them were full so they opened a new room for us and led us inside. Closing the door behind us, the lady who was with me said “OK, take off your clothes” – at first I just took off my t-shirt as I’d only asked for a neck and head, but then she said “yes, take off your shorts too”. I said I was only there for head and neck but she insisted once more “take off your shorts” – I wasn’t going to argue with her as she was quite large and could probably snap me if needed. Looking over at my friend who was already head deep in another masseuse’s lap I took off my shorts and lay on the bed as instructed. The lady started massaging my neck and just as I started to feel comfy my boxer shorts were ripped from me. I tried to get up and tell them again I only wanted neck and head but she yelled “lay down” and carried on massaging.

By now all sorts of things were going through my head (mainly of remaining as clenched as possible) and I could hear my friend who was next to me laughing at my situation. I heard the door open and two women walked in talking to each other. One was English as I heard her say “oooh naked men, I like this room” – by now I couldn’t help but laugh. My neck and head massage had turned in to a full body with oils of god knows what and very wandering hands. After she’d finished massaging my back, legs and unfortunately my bum (When I say massage, I mean she punched me, walked on me, dug her elbows in to me and pretty much spanked me) I felt ready for another massage just to get over this one. I’ve heard of bondage movies that were tamer than this massage! Unfortunately for me she wasn’t finished. Insisting I turn over to lie on my back and put my head in to her lap she started massaging my chest and slapping my forehead as if I were on some sort of candid cam show that waited to see how much abuse one person could take before speaking up. The person I was with was now in hysterics but was soon silenced when he was put in to some compromising positions himself. My masseuse didn’t let me have my underwear back so I was still lying there stark naked with only my hands to cover my manhood in front of the room that was now practically full of women.

The 30 minutes that was meant to be relaxing and a nice end to my time in Bangkok turned out to be one hell of an experience. The massage was different to say the least, I was stripped naked in front of a room full of people and left with more aches than I went in with… but I got an orange juice after it that was absolutely fantastic! If you’re ever in Bangkok, make sure you know what you’re going in for and make sure you’re prepared for all sorts when you ask for a head and neck massage. Anybody else been caught out in a sticky situation like this while travelling?

Author: Dan Collins

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74 Comments

  1. At the risk of laughing at your misery…this is hilarious. Not quite the same thing, but my friend and I got our hair dyed in Ecuador and they turned her hair blue instead of blonde…

  2. haha thanks! I see the funny side of it now… but I certainly didn’t while lying naked in a room full of people ha ha

  3. PS I think blue is an AWESOME hair colour. I’d be happy with that haha

  4. Oh wow that is kinda crazy but kinda hilarious… I would have just gone with the flow & asked for a happy ending…lol jk!!!

  5. Well we all know you would! ha ha

  6. Hahahahaha brilliant!! As soon as you said massage I thought uh oh…!!

  7. Haha I couldn’t believe what was happening at the time! It all happened so fast…. Crazy!

  8. I’ve always sprung for the full body Thai massage, which is VERY different from what you’ve described. When my parents visited me, my mom got a head and neck massage at Wat Pho, the premiere training place for Thai massage and it, much like the full body massage, didn’t require any disrobing…

    What a crazy experience though!

  9. I’m so glad this happened to you and not me. Although…I might have liked it! 😉

  10. haha good luck if you ever get one!

  11. Very crazy! I think the Thai girl may have liked me a little too much…

  12. Hahaha, this is so funny! I’ve heard of similar stories from other people! I always think its a good idea to go for a massage but its never as good as I think it’ll be. I’m a total wimp and it always hurts!

    I had a strange experience in Bali where I had to strip off (thankfully in a private room with a woman) and then she gave me a shower afterwards. She actually washed me like I was a 3 year old! So embarrassing because I’m really ticklish!

  13. hahahaha I just snort-laughed (how embarrassing) thinking about you getting tickled and the woman wondering what the hell was going on. Glad I’m not the only one who has been stripped off!

  14. Come on, admit it — you were hoping for a Ladyboy…:)

  15. Mate, you caught me out! haha

  16. I was too scared to leave ha ha

  17. LOL! I think she liked pummelling your butt cheeks. I have never seen a large Thai woman before, is this story even true? (Kidding.)

    Hilarious story! Isn’t travel great for these?

  18. Lying naked with Asian women massaging me? Um…I think I would’ve went with it.

  19. I’ve seen quite a few large Thai women. They weren’t obese… but they looked like they could pack a good punch!

  20. hahaha I bet you would!

  21. Dan, this is hilarious! I’m not a big fan of normal massages in the States, so I think what you went through would’ve traumatized me for life. I’m glad you survived!

  22. I’m not a fan of massages any more!

  23. I had a similar experience a week ago, but my massage was given by a masseur. Let’s say he wanted make absolutely certain I was satisfied, and that I will never be comfortable having my groin massaged again.

  24. You had a happy ending from a dude??

  25. HAHHAHHAHAHHAkalsjdksdjhfkldsjlfks

    I love butt massages – they are the greatest things in the world! Granted, I guess if I didn’t ask for one I would be a little weirded out.

  26. Butt massages are an actual thing?!

  27. Haha wow that’s a terrific story and my experiences in Thailand I definitely experienced similar situations. I remember I went with an American girl that I hardly knew once and they did that to both of us in same room haha… My favorite activity is to buy a large Singha (hate Beer Chang) and get a street foot massage while I drink it!!

  28. Sounds like a very good way to spend the night if you ask me!!

  29. Yes! Some people store all their tension there. I know I do so it is nice when it is released!

  30. Hahaha, this is hilarious! It could have been worse, if you know what I mean… thanks for the giggle.

  31. Yup I know what you mean haha!

  32. Oh, this is so scary! I wouldn’t have a clue what to do in that position. Hopefully my upcoming massage in Malaysia doesn’t turn out the same way…

  33. What a hilarious story – I’m pleased you survived (albeit without your dignity intact!)

    I had a friend who went to a massage place in Vietnam, it was allegedly a charity to support blind workers and was endorsed by the Lonely Planet. The reality was very young boys being forced to offer more than just a massage. He couldn’t get out of there quick enough.

    Since then I have always chosen nicer looking salons and paid a little bit more when getting massages in South East Asia. I always avoid Thai style massages because I end up in more pain afterwards than when I went in!!

  34. I’m not surprised he got out of there fast! And yes, Thai massages do hurt…. A LOT haha

  35. hahah! awesome story! Love that it ended with orange juice – still a happy ending in my opinion 🙂

  36. Every body loves orange juice!

  37. Let us know how it goes!

  38. Hahaha, I can’t stop laughing! Poor you! I always thought men do like to be the only man with so many women around 😛

  39. LOL this is brillaint – at least she didn’t turn out to be one of the famous ladyboys…thigs could have been worse xx

  40. These Kind of Massages are now all over Europe – In Paris , London and Rome there are many places like this. Bulgaria even is Sex Destination like Egypt.

  41. Haha ‘note to self, don’t get a massage in bangkok’ I’ll remember that one

  42. Oh no, definitely get one!! I want others to have the same experience as me……

  43. Haha.. you shoulda known! NEVER do anything on Khoa San Road! There are so many other amazing massage places that won’t make you get naked!

  44. Haha yeah I should have known something would be wrong in the first place! Never mind…

  45. Dan, that’s hilarious! I guess with the orange juice it was kind of a happy ending though 🙂

  46. Oh man… Slapping on the forehead? I’ve never heard that one before. Hope the OJ was worth it!

  47. The OJ was well worth it!

  48. LOL!

  49. Was Matt with you for this?

  50. Awh you poor guy!

  51. Normally yes, but this caught me off guard! haha

  52. Haha I could do with a massage right now to be honest.

  53. haha, I’ve had experiences with those too unfortunately!

  54. I didn’t see any in Paris while I was there but then again I wasn’t really looking out for them. You had one?

  55. The Orange Juice was the best happy ending I could ever have!

  56. Sure was!

  57. LOL!

  58. Excellent stuff here Within the famous words of a specific terminator… i’ll be back!

  59. Brilliant story 🙂
    Does not sound very relaxing beeing stripped down like that ! I bet they won’t do that to the girls !

  60. Hey Dan, I read a very similar story on another travel blog, from a girl’s point of you. I will try to find it and give you a link. You can share trauma together.

  61. Ah I’m sure they will do it to anybody in that place haha

  62. Ah, Lauren! I know the story you’re talking about 🙂

  63. Ha ha – great story! I feel for you – that would have been immeasurably uncomfortable, especially with the room full of women watching while you desperately covered your junk with your hands. I laughed out loud at the forehead slapping – I can see the butt massage and the pummeling, but how on earth is getting your forehead slapped repeatedly going to relax anyone? Too funny!

  64. Sorry, I tried hard not to laugh but this is hilarious! Good tip for our upcoming BKK trip though! Will stick to the foot massages I’ve had on my previous trips!

  65. Glad so many people are amused by my misfortune haha

  66. hahaha this was hilarious.. I thought the ‘ending’ was going to something quite different!

    Duncan

  67. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH!!!!!

  68. Oh my gosh how funny!!!!!!

  69. That is a funny story. I refrained from getting a massage in Thailand, but I did get one in a jimjilbang (sauna) in Korea and also was abused and came out aching.

    Enjoyed this article 😀

  70. ‘Abused’ ?? haha I hope you weren’t too traumatised after it!

  71. Haha what a funny story, i can just imagine that happening! I feel for you, as i’ve been in some pretty akward/questionable massage situations! Try Healthland next time you’re in Bangkok, its amazing and you definitely wont be violated there :p

  72. I have had dozens of massages in Asia, and some in Bangkok, and have never had anything close to this. I do my best to find places that are on the up and up, and if I have any concerns, we start with a foot massage, because there are less chances of that getting wonky, and certainly less chance of loosing your underwear!

  73. I might try it just for the orange juice!

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